I know I’ve been posting these two words for the past few months hoping that someday I’ll be able to live up to them. I’ve been struggling. I’ve been struggling to be okay, to embrace the fact that sometimes things happen and you just have to deal with them, to acknowledge more often than not a lot of things are not within your control, to just accept things and stop blaming yourself, and most of all to pick yourself up and move on. It’s an internal battle and trust me, when all you have are four white walls to talk to every single day, the difficulty level is multiplied by a thousand.
For the longest time I’ve been feeding myself with negative thoughts. I’ve been blaming myself. Misery is such a good place to be in. There’s something weirdly beautiful about just letting yourself drown in the sinkhole and convincing yourself that things won’t get better. Pain is addictive especially when it begins to manifest physically. It’s a weird kind of high. You begin to thrive on the bad stuff and forget about the good. Yup, it was a good place to be in but the things is I don’t want to be there anymore. I realized that things can be better. They will be better.
So now I’m putting a stop to the sad song I’ve been playing and actively listening to for the past months. It is time. I am better than this. I will walk away from this hell hole with my head held high. It was a good fight but this battle’s not worth fighting anymore. Life’s too beautiful to waste on the trivial and mundane. It’s time to live up to my second name “ALIYA” which means “to rise up”.
I’m now picking myself up, dusting myself off, and letting go.
Here’s to me. Here’s to you. It was fun while it lasted but I need to move on.